Lifestyles of the Rich and Fucked Up

We apologize for the long haitus on 1337, but hey! We’re back and better than ever.

We have conclude that Kelly Os-Burn-My-Zombie-Bitch-Ass, is an undead monster. After a string of startling photographs that hit the World Wide Web.

To think these stars that degenerate people worship pays for a makeup artist. Honestly, the money would be better off spent on training more higly-skilled Chinese babies.

Bengs

We can’t believe how stupid this group of people are. Here’s the mildest example:

Me: So Ah Hoon, can you tell me the meaning of xenophobia?

Ah Hoon: Wait ah, I ting first ah…

Me: *Lets see where this is going. LMAO

Ah Hoon: Aiya! Bee Chye i no, so uncomprex.

Me: Care to elaborate?

Ah Hoon: Becos ah, phobia is fear right?

Ah Hoon: And den ah, xeno is… zero lor!!!

Ah Hoon: So xenophobia is… no fear lor!!!

Ah Hoon: Hahaha I so crever. Becos men dun feel paaain, gangsta dun feel pain.

Me: What the Flock?

What a stupidly witty statement. As all we non-beng beings should know, xenophobia is the fear of strangers or foreigners. If it means “no phobia”, then ablutophobia (fear of washing or bathing) is the fear of pluto, yes? A survey was conducted in Moh Ghim Secondary School, and surprisingly, 99% of the student population agreed with the above statement. How the hell did they graduate from preschool?

Maybe I should conduct this survey in RI. Hmmm. My hypothesis predicts that the results will be worse. Well, better get started.

New Pastime!

Here at 1337, we are dedicated to provide entertainment to all our intelligent readers. Now, we have come our with a new way to help you pass time during the school holidays.

FUCK Destory the Ants

Materials: Penknife, Matches, Rocks, Cans, Water, Candles and Baygon

Step 1: Identify a suitable target.

Step 2: Using the penknife, behead any ants near you.

Step 3: Fill the empty cans with water.

Step 4: Take aim and fire! Toss the water-filled cans and the rocks at the nest.

Step 5: Ants will swarm out, light the candles and burn the ants or use the hot melted wax to encase them.

Step 6: If things get out of hand, use the Baygon and spray the shit out of the buggers.

The result.

HAVE FUN!

Variations include:

1. Using super glue to glue the ants’ heads together.
2. Using regular glue to entomb them.
3. Drawing a circle around them with insect chalk and taking your time to behead them.
4. EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. Holding a lighter to the nozzle of a can of deodourant spray. Ignite the particles ejected from the nozzle, fuck those ants up. CAUTION, this is not advised by the safety indications, but what the heck we did it anyway.

Developed by: nanotech, stormcrow and THEchu

Xiaxue PWNED

Beware Not Safe For Work. Not advised for people with weak hearts.

Yes, I know that of us Singaporeans have (sadly) heard of a certain blog by xiaxue. Featured on national newspaper some time back, I decided pay this weblog a visit to see how “good” it actually was. To my horror I saw things that were simply WRONG. In the post “Abbie’s First Birthday” I saw pictures that are not usually accosiated with childrens birthdays;Two adult women playing with oversized blow-up muticoloured dildos.

In another post, she showcased a vibrating “USB massage” gadget.

“Perfect for watching porn with. Did I say that out loud?! I mean, erm, perfect for us who are, you know, all stressed out with work, and, erm, need a massage or something.

Speaking of orgasmic feelings…“

Yea, we can tell you surf lesbian porn or bestiality. Wait then again aren’t you turned on by elephants? We’re really unsure of your sexual orientation, so we will take the liberty of classifying you under OMNISEXUAL. We know you wank, first vibrating USB toys, then giant blow-up dildos. Thanks for telling us you like ‘em, now we all know whats on your wishlist.

The LOGO.

this logo is gonna be fixed up but here’s a look @ it now.